Fallback
by totallypants
Summary: Sirius black is smitten with his best friend. Remus, however, is oblivious and, well... straight. But when Remus's relationship breaks down, and the Marauders are together for the summer, will he finally fallback in Sirius's outstretched arms?
1. Chapter 1

Sirius moaned theatrically as he collapsed on his bed in the dormitory, the frame creaking as he did so.

"What's up Pads?" his sandy haired best friend asked kindly.

"Naomi." He sighed.

"Oh God what have you done now?" Remus enquired. Sirius looked back at him with mock disgust.

"_I_ have done nothing, my ignorant little pally, _she _on the other hand is driving me insane! I thought that once I slept with her she might back off a bit. But of course nobody can get enough of the Sirius lovin'" the other boy retorted.

"Maybe if you told her how you felt..."

Remus was cut off abruptly. "Moony, we can't all be like you and Joanna, you know, all talking and _feelings _and stuff." He spoke these words as if a toddler just learning to talk, not entirely sure of what these foreign words meant. "Have you even shagged her yet?"

"What's that got to with anything?" the taller boy spat out with a sudden maliciousness Sirius had only seen a couple of times before.

"I'm just _saying_..."

"Well don't just say! Why not try thinking before you blurt these things out for once? And for your information, yes. Yes we have _shagged _in your words. Feel better now?" The volume of Remus's voice was slowly raising and Sirius felt like he had just received a bludger to the stomach. He had never meant to offend his best friend, their friendship was one of the most important things in the world to him; he couldn't lose it now.

Remus had turned, and before Sirius could take everything in, he could hear the faint footsteps of his best friend on the dorm stairs and the door into the common room slammed, leaving Sirus standing alone, mouth wide open, confused and upset.

James sighed, frustrated. He didn't know why the two boys sitting either side of him weren't talking. He wasn't sure he _wanted_ to know, but he knew that this argument was making his day miserable, so he decided to do his best to dissolve the tension as quickly as possible.

"Hey guys did you see that new girl? My God she's hot! Do you know her name?" he looked either side to his friends, desperate for a response.

"Why don't you ask Sirius? He's probably slept with her already" Remus glared past James straight to Sirius who stared back, his black eyes full of hurt. Remus felt a bit bad for making his best friend look like this, but he also felt a sense of triumph that he could hurt the usually infallible Sirius Black. Even as he thought this, he mentally scalded himself. This was Sirius, the one person he would never want to hurt, ever, but as he looked back to Sirius, he saw only an empty chair.

James's words were lost as Remus bolted out of the great hall after his friend, leaving a number of murmurs and whispers in his midst.

Sirius curled up in his bed, cursing himself for starting this stupid argument. He always knew just how to put his foot in it, but this time, his most valuable friendship was at stake, how could he be so stupid? He moaned as he pulled his bedspread right over his head, not hearing the door opening and closing gently.

"Pads?" The familiar voice made Sirius feel warm with hope. He poked his head out from under his duvet. "Sirius, I'm so sorry. I don't know what's got into me." Sirius felt Remus's light frame perch on the end of his bed and glimpsed at his friend, meeting his amber eyes, etched with concern. "I would never want to hurt you, Pads. I can only apologise." Remus was greeted with silence. "Shit Pads say something!"

"It was my fault Moony. Me and my big mouth as usual. I'm really, really sorry!" Sirius blurted out all at once. Remus chuckled fondly and flopped down to rest his head on Sirius's duvet-clad legs. Both sighed contentedly. For others, this situation might have been weird, but the two boys felt totally at ease. They always did. Not like Peter; the smallest boy of the group squirmed at any contact with another boy because it was "gay" or "wrong". Peter just didn't really get the kind of friendships the other three cherished and depended on.


	2. Chapter 2

When the next morning came, the four Marauderers were strolling slowly down to Herbology, despite the ominous storm clouds rolling in overhead.

"She's really madly in love with me. She just doesn't know it yet." James stated arrogantly.

"Course she is, Pads" Remus chuckled "in between all the hating your guts and wishing you were dead, she dreams of you every night. She just can't get enough of you."

James grinned "you never know. Maybe someday..."

"Oh no, he's got that face on again. Soon he'll be planning their wedding!" Sirius ruffled James's hair affectionately as the first flat drops of rain pattered out of the sky. Herbology was still five minutes' walk away so the four boys started to sprint across the grounds, the rain intensifying as their speed quickened. James was the fastest of the group so he was streaking ahead of his friends, while peter was lagging behind, Sirius and Remus ran at the same pace, side by side. Sirius looked round at his friend and caught his eye, grinning mischievously. He couldn't help but notice the way that Remus's eyelashes went all spidery in the rain and he flicked his hair back unconsciously as he ran.

"Hey come on you two! What's up, can't keep up with the master?" James shouted back to his friends. Sirius quickly turned his head back towards James, away from Remus. Both boys quickened their pace and soon closed the gap so the three teenagers arrived at the greenhouse together just in time for the lesson, all soaked to the skin and grinning like mad. A few minutes later, Peter burst in, panting and puffing, much to the amusement of the other three.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey Pads, where's Moony?" James asked as he strolled into the common room and spotted his friend sitting by the fire, talking to a pretty fourth year girl with blonde hair who didn't take kindly to being interrupted in the middle of being hit on by Sirius, the school's best catch.

"Hey Prongie boy what's up? He's with that girl of his... erm Josephine?" James could tell that he was faking, Sirius knew Joanna's name. James just didn't know why Sirius didn't acknowledge that there might be a girl in Remus's life who was important to him or who meant more than any of Sirius's serial flings, but he didn't push it.

"Not much, I was just wondering whether he wanted to do my Transfiguration homework for me, you know how he enjoys it!" James laughed.

"Speak of the devil!" Sirius grinned as his favourite werewolf clambered through the portrait hole, flicking his sandy hair out of his eyes and reflecting his friend's grin with one of his own as soon as he caught his eye. The girl sitting with Sirius, fed up with being overshadowed by his friends tutted, flicked her hair and walked off up to her dormitory. Sirius shook his head, perplexed. "Girls." He sighed, smiling at Remus.

"Oh sorry mate, looks like you were in there" Remus said genuinely "fourth year?"

"Yeah erm Amy? Annie?" Sirius's face was creased with thought.

"Her name was Sarah, mate" James laughed.

"Oh well, yeah I knew that..." Sirius insisted.

"You been with Joanna, Moony?" James inquired.

"Yeah we were down by the lake, but then it got dark so I thought I'd come back."

Sirius looked at the paisley carpet determinedly, trying to show his friends that he couldn't care less about Remus's antics, but James noticed anyway.

"Down by the lake eh? You sly dog!" James teased.

"Nothing happened, we were just talking and stuff. You alright Pads?" Remus's face was etched with concern for his friend. Nothing went unnoticed by Remus for long.

"Yeah I'm fine, just wondering how to dump Naomi." Sirius did not find it difficult to lie convincingly. He was a born actor. He'd had to lie to his family on numerous occasions. He'd lied last year when he told his mother that he was staying with a good slytherin friend, when in fact he stayed at James's house with Remus. He lied to teachers on a daily basis, always the charmer, he got away with far fewer detentions than James did, much to James's disgust. Sirius was good at lying. Nobody had yet guessed that he was harbouring feelings for his sandy-haired best friend. This was the biggest and hardest lie he lived out every day.

He hadn't had these feelings for long. True, he'd always got on best with Remus, but in a matey mate kind of way, nothing else. And for a start, Sirius figured that he wasn't _gay _or anything. He was Sirius Black! The most eligible batchelor at Hogwarts! Girls (and some guys) fell at his feet. Because, deny it though he might, Sirius _was_ good looking. His jet black hair and steel-grey, deep set eyes set him apart from any other boy at the school. Nobody, not even James could compete with Sirius in the looks department. It was just a matter of fact.

So a couple of months ago, Sirius found himself noticing little... _things _about Remus which he just could not shake. Like the way Remus licked his lips when he was nervous, or the way he was so modest, even though he was the cleverest wizard in the year. He noticed that Remus's eyelashes were long and thick, and sometimes when he fell asleep in the common room, he would lay his head gently on Sirius's shoulder. When Sirius found himself wishing that Remus would stay close to him for longer, wishing that Remus would break up with his girlfriend, wishing that Remus was _his, _he knew that he had a problem.

Last month, when the time for the full moon came, Remus went through a particularly painful transformation, leaving him unconscious for a day under the care of Madam Pomfery in the hospital wing. Sirius refused to leave his side until he woke up, terrified for the welfare of his friend. He had told himself that it meant nothing. Deep down he knew that is meant something. _Everything. _

"You're dumping Naomi?" Remus looked at his friend, trying to fathom the expression on his face.

"Yeah I think so. It's just not fun anymore. She wants more from me than I think I can give her." Sirius sighed. Remus was concerned at his serious tone. "It's a shame, though 'cos she's hot!" Sirius added as an afterthought, putting Remus's mind at ease.

"Yeah she's ok, she's not Lily, though" James added as an afterthought.

"Uh-oh, here he goes" Sirius groaned "Time for bed" he grinned. "Night guys!"

"Actually, I think I'm gonna go up too, why don't you try again with Lily, I've found that being _nice_ actually helps sometimes." Remus chuckled. "Night Prongs!"

The two boys ascended the stairs to the dormitory in a comfortable silence and both collapsed on their own adjacent beds.

"Do you think they'll ever get together?" Sirius Pondered.

"I have complete faith in him" Remus grinned "Once she realises he's not an idiot, I'm sure they'll get along fine!"

"I wonder how he knows?" Sirius said, almost in a whisper.

"Knows what?"

"You know... that she's it. She's the one." The black haired boy snuggled into his covers to avoid catching his friend's eye.

"Wow Pads where's this coming from? I... I don't know how he knows. I think he just _does." _Remus realised he wasn't making much sense.

"It must be nice, knowing that there's just one person for you, having found that person and everything" Sirius mumbled, "Do you think Joanna's the one for you?" he could not meet Remus's eye.

"Oh Padfoot I doubt it, I don't think we'll stay together for forty days, let alone forty years" Remus chuckled "She's okay and everything, we just don't seem to have that much to talk about, you know? I don't get it, she's pretty, clever, nice, everything! I just don't love her. I don't even _fancy _her very much. The chemistry's not there you know?" Remus sighed.

Sirius looked at his friend's sad face and couldn't help but think he deserved love. A girl who adored him as _he _adored him. A girl who would look after him like _he _looked after him. Sirius knew that in his eyes, there would never be such a girl.

"If you can't make it work, Moony, surely the rest of us are screwed!" Sirius whined.

"Is there a girl you like?" Remus inquired caringly.

"Erm well no. Well sort of... I mean I do _like_ someone but they're taken, and it's just never going to happen, basically."

Remus was perplexed. There was a girl who was out of Padfoot's reach? Surely not! She certainly didn't go to Hogwarts. Sirius was the school's most wanted guy. He could have any girl he liked. And he could certainly see why. Even the straight guys at Hogwarts could appreciate the beauty that was Sirius. He had _that _hair, _those _eyes and _that _smile. Girls wanted him and guys wanted to be him. Except Remus. Remus had no desire to be Sirius, simply because he wouldn't be able to just hang out with Sirius anymore. Because this was one of his favourite things to do. Just to spend time with the wonderful person that was Sirius Black. His best friend.

"Well have you told this person that you like them?"

"No" Sirius admitted.

"So you couldn't possibly know!" Remus insisted "Come on Sirius, there isn't a person in this school who doesn't fancy you!"

"Wanna bet?" Sirius replied glumly "Anyway how should I break up with Nay?"

"Just tell her the truth. It's not working. Oh and err... take some tissues." Remus teased fondly.

Ten minutes later, the two boys were still chatting when James stomped in, rejected. "She hexed me!" He wailed, "She bloody hexed me! And God I love her!" He collapsed on his bed, opposite to the beds of his two best friends. Peter had been snoring noisily in the corner for half an hour, completely out of it.

"What did you do this time Prongs?" Remus enquired.

"I didn't do anything! I only tried to smell her hair because it smells all nice and cinnamonny and then she grabbed me by the tie and there was a brief turning into a lemon incident, but then that Emma girl came along and un-hexed me and she asked me out! And I _had_ to say yes because she unhexed me but then Lily went all stroppy like she didn't want me to go out with Emma which is stupid 'cos she doesn't wanna go out with _me_! I don't get her!" James moaned.

"Oh James she likes you! She's just too proud to admit it" Sirius advised kindly.

"Really? You think so?"

The two boys nodded knowingly from the other side of the room.

"So I should keep trying then?" James's expression was that of an excited child at Christmas.

"Yeah but just try to be a little less... intense" Sirius smiled.

"So I _shouldn't _have told her I loved her earlier then?" James looked lost. The other boys could only do their best to hide their despair.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone please review!**

At breakfast the following morning, Remus spotted Naomi Taylor crying at the Ravenclaw table and being consoled by her friend Ariana who was attempting to coax her into eating some breakfast, with little success. It didn't take a genius to work out what had happened, and Remus deduced that Sirius was wisely keeping a low profile. Politely excusing himself from the table, he went off in search of the boy.

Sirius was like his animagus form in many ways: he was loyal, incredibly affectionate, strangely eager to please and above all, loved to be outdoors, so Remus knew that on a warm summer morning like this one, Sirius would never confine himself within the walls of a building, even Hogwarts. He also knew exactly where Sirius would be.

The previous summer, and the one before that, and the one before that, the Marauders spent hours at a time in the shadow of an old sycamore tree in the grounds. Not many people knew about this place; it just overlooked the beautiful lake which seemed to stretch for miles ahead and the soft grass was perfect for passing time talking, messing around, getting in some quidditch practice and anything else these four boys got up to on a summer's day. It was here that Sirius had had his first kiss with a girl called Malorie. It was here that Remus had told the others about his furry little problem. It just so happened that it was here, on that day of the breakup of Sirius's latest relationship that he fell in love with Remus Lupin.

"Hey Pads. You missed breakfast." Remus almost whispered so as not to astound the boy. "I bought you some pastries and stuff, just in case you were hungry."

"Thanks Remmie" Sirius gushed, surprised, delighted at the appearance of the only person he was willing to talk to.

"I saw Naomi at breakfast. She looked pretty bummed."

"Yeah she was pretty upset. I felt kinda bad. You'd think I'd get used to it, but somehow I never do." Sirius sighed. The taller boy sat beside his friend and looked him straight in the eye.

"You did the right thing." That was all he needed to hear right at that moment.

The two boys sat in a comfortable silence, side by side, basking in the morning sun. Sirius hadn't even realised that he had started crying until he felt the soft brush of Remus's knuckle on his cheek, gently willing the tears away.

"I know this isn't just about Naomi" Remus eventually said in a low, scratched voice. "Who is this person that's got you like this Sirius?"

"Remus, I have to tell you something and you have to promise not to hate me for it."

"I could never hate you Pads"

"I'm gay."

Okay, he was not expecting that one. This was Sirius. The least gay person in the world! And yet, here he was saying these words with such a sincerity, and such a pain evident in his eyes that Remus knew this was no prank. Sirius was gay.

"But you're... Sirius!" Remus could only stand, shocked. "How long have you known?"

"A couple of months I suppose." Sirius shrugged, hoping to make this slightly less of a big deal. He winced. Ready for the judgement, the tension, the lecture. But it didn't come. He felt the wonderful arms of Remus wrap themselves around him supportively, and all Sirius could do was collapse into them, his relief taking over. Remus stroked his hair calmly. Sirius had never been so relieved.

The two boys spent the rest of the morning underneath the shadow of that tree, away from their friends, away from Hogwarts, away from real life.

Remus was laughing uncontrollably "She was hitting on you? McGonagall? That's disgusting!"

"I'm serious! She wants me! Well why wouldn't she?" Sirius grinned cheekily. Remus nudged him playfully.

"Arrogant arse. To be fair though, all of the female teachers probably want to get with you. It's just the way it is. If only they knew..." Remus was still grinning, much to Sirius's delight; he loved the way Remus's smile completely took over his face, pretty much like it completely took over Sirius. When he smiled, everything just seemed better; everything seemed right. "You gonna tell James?" Remus asked, looking at Sirius, trying to gage his response.

"Yeah of course I will! But not quite yet, I'm not sure he'd be quite as understanding as you, Moony. Do you think he'd let us stay at his for summer? There's no way I can go home, not now." Remus knew that Sirius was referring to the letter his mother had sent two months previously, informing him that his portrait had been burned from the family tree. He was no longer welcome in the Black household.

"I really hope so, my parents are going on a trip to Romania for a few weeks. I said I'd stay with James, but I never really thought to ask." Remus mused "It would be amazing if we could all spend the summer together."

"Yeah just like last year, but better" Sirius smiled. The thought of spending summer with Remus filled him with a warm fuzzy feeling, like when you wake up on Christmas day, or the first day back on the Hogwarts express.

An hour later, and they were still there; under that same tree. Remus had his head resting on Sirius's shoulder. They were talking about Joanna.

"Like the other day, she was complaining that I went to watch you two play Quidditch instead of spending time with her. She doesn't seem to realise that any girl comes second to you guys, it's nothing personal. And she keeps sending me these suggestive notes at breakfast, like sex is all she cares about. I just feel kind of offended."

"Mate, I would take it as a compliment!" Sirius joked "Is she good... you know?"

"Well yeah, not that I have much experience in the matter" Remus blushed "Do you think she's gonna dump me? I'm not sure what's best; it's probably not worth carrying it on really. It all seems kinda fake" he sighed.

"Well do you want to get in there first? I reckon it's harder for guys 'cos the girl always cries" Sirius stated matter-of-factly "Wow, I'll probably never sleep with a girl again. That's a really odd thought."

Remus laughed softly "How the hell did you get the rep of the best guy in bed in the school when you're gay? Only you Pads!"

"I'm just amazing, I'm surprised you need reminding" Sirius smirked, inwardly wishing that Remus _did _think he was amazing, feeling his friend's laughter against him. He let out an accidental sigh which did not go unnoticed by Remus.

"What's up Pads?" Remus took his head off the other boy's shoulder to look straight at him. Something about those eyes made Sirius want to tell him everything. But he knew he couldn't. The weight lifted off his chest would only be replaced by dozens more. He didn't want to be left with nothing. At least now, he had Remus's friendship, not worth gambling for the world.

"Nothing, I'm fine, honestly" Sirius beamed, what he hoped was convincingly. Remus looked unconvinced but did not press the matter.

"If we stay here, we're gonna miss lunch" Remus sighed.

"I'm okay here, but go if you want" Sirius replied with a yawn.

"Nah, I'm not really that hungry, I just didn't want you to go without." The truth was, Remus was hungry. He hadn't eaten since the night before and the full moon was approaching which always left him famished, but Remus didn't want to leave Sirius. He knew his friend was in a weird place, and not only that but he was enjoying being with his best friend, it wasn't often that they got to really talk, so he was cherishing the time spent together. Remus pondered, "Wait a sec, you said you liked someone!" he gabbled excitedly, "and now I know that someone is a _guy! _Okay spill the beans!" Sirius squirmed uncomfortably.

"Erm, well I don't really, it's just a little crush and it'll pass so it's no big deal , trust me it doesn't matter..." he blurted. Remus raised one eyebrow but stayed quiet and leant against the hard trunk of the ancient tree, thinking that it was far less comfortable than Sirius's torso.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone thanks for reviewing the last few chapters and please carry on :) this chapter's short so I'll put the next one up in a couple of days. Enjoy!**

That evening, in the great hall, over rhubarb crumble, the boys were discussing the final game of the Quidditch cup which was only days away.

"Oh I'm so excited!" Peter squealed, wriggling in his chair. "You guys had better thrash Ravenclaw this time. It's our turn!"

"Oh yeah, thanks Pete" Sirius chuckled "D'you think we'll win Prongs?"

"Who knows? Ravenclaw are looking pretty damn good at the moment. Roberts is on top form!" James said admiringly.

"I think you'll win" Remus smiled from under the copy of the Daily Prophet he was devouring.

"Really, Moony, you do?" Sirius gabbled excitedly. James thought he looked like a little puppy waiting for its dinner.

"Yeah I don't see why not. I'd like to see any team beat the team with you guys on it. James, you're the fastest seeker around and Pads, you can just flutter your eyelids and they'll give you the quaffle!" Remus chuckled.

"Hey!" Sirius protested, but eventually succumbed to the laughter errupting around him "Moony, isn't it the full moon soon?" he asked in a hushed tone.

"Yeah, Wednesday" Remus's face fell.

"Damn, I could really do with finishing that transfiguration essay. We can't all charm our way out of it like some people" James shot a glance at Sirius.

"Well don't worry, I can make sure Moony's alright" Sirius smiled "It'll be ok Remus; I won't let anything bad happen."

"Thanks Sirius" Remus smiled gratefully "I'm sorry to be a pain."

"Hey are you kidding? I'm happy to help! Come on, it's you!" This made Remus smile bashfully which sirius rather enjoyed.

"Anyone coming up? I thought we could get in a bit of Chess before bed" James grinned "Plus Lily can see that I am the master of chess and fall madly in love with me on the spot!"

"Course she will Prongs, course she will." Everyone laughed as they strolled out of the hall on the way to the common room; the rest of the school's eyes fixated on them with either jealousy or lust. They were the picture of happiness. There was not one person who didn't want a piece of the Marauderers.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone thanks for all the ace reviews, sorry it's been a while, but I ended up going to France for a bit... enjoy and please review :)**

Sirius woke the next day with a shoe being thrown at his head.

"Oi Padfoot, get up, mate, lessons start in five minutes!" On realising that they had overslept, the three other boys were madly scrabbling around to find shoes, ties, shirts, etc. Sirius groaned and rolled out of bed, quickly located his uniform and within a matter of seconds was totally ready, looking just as perfect as usual.

"How the hell do you do it Pads?" Remus giggled as they ran towards the dungeons, not wanting to get on the wrong side of Professor Slughorn. They took their seats just as their teacher strolled into the room and stood in front of them, hands clasped in excitement.

"Now then everyone, today, we will be studying the effects of Amortentia, a mysterious and intriguing potion. Does anybody know what it does?"

"It's a love potion, sir" Lily Evans piped up from the front of the class, making James unconsciously sit up a little bit straighter in his seat. "It smells different to everyone, depending on what attracts us" she finished.

"Very good, now I'm going to pass this vial around, each of you give it a good whiff if you're curious, but be careful not to spill it, this one took me a long time to brew." Slughorn grinned with delight.

Sirius sighed with relief. Slughorn was in one of his good moods. This meant an easy lesson for all of them. He might even let them out early for loch if they were lucky. As the vial of the strange, swirling potion reached the back row where the Marauderers were situated, Sirius was instantly drawn in. Its smell was incredible. It smelled of dark chocolate, mixed with washing powder and a hint of fresh parchment. He turned pink as he realised that it smelled of Remus. The delicious scent of Remus. He didn't want to pass it on, but Remus's hand was outstretched to receive this little bottle so he had no choice but to relent. He noticed the smile that grew on Remus's face as soon as the bottle was in smelling distance, which quickly turned into a blush, hastily disguised by what Sirius was pretty sure was a fake sneeze. He figured that it smelled of some girl Remus liked and the thought saddened Sirius, though he knew that many girls saw Remus as the second best choice of boyfriend in the year (after Sirius, of course), Sirius was still upset when Remus expressed interest in any of them, though he knew that it was completely irrational. Remus was straight. Remus wasn't his.

When the lesson ended, the boys were walking down the corridor, debating the object of Severus Snape's affection.

"Oh come on, he blatantly likes Lily! He nearly passes out every time she talks to him" James insisted.

"Funny isn't it how Lily is much more inclined to speak to Snivellus than to you, Prongs, looks like you've got competition" Sirius laughed.

"Oh Remmie, wait up!" A voice wailed, clearly audible above the hustle and bustle of the crowd. Remus rolled his eyes and looked behind him towards his girlfriend who was rushing towards him like she hadn't seen him for weeks. When she caught up with him, she kissed Remus hard on the lips, in plain view of everybody. Sirius resented her marking her territory in this way. Everyone knew they were an item so what was the point?

"Hey gorgeous" Remus smiled "How's your day going?"

"Okay thanks" she tittered "We have to meet up tomorrow! Can't do tonight 'cos I've got a bitch of an essay to write for Slughorn"

Remus and Sirius exchanged glances. Only the Marauderers knew about his 'furry little problem. Nobody could know.

"Actually, erm... I can't do tomorrow" Remus was not as used to lying as Sirius "I promised I'd hang out with the guys" he blushed.

"No."

"Sorry?" Remus was confused.

"No, I won't allow it" Joanna stated.

"What?" he couldn't believe his ears.

Sirius and James exchanged glances which meant 'Let's get out of here'. They left Remus to it, and did not see him until he walked into Defence Against the Dark arts ten minutes late after lunch.

"Sorry sir" Remus looked unusually flustered.

"Ten minutes late, Lupin. Detention at eight tonight please. This really isn't like you, Remus. Do you have an excuse?" Professor Deakin surveyed Remus with his beady eyes, enough to make anybody squirm. Remus however kept his composure.

"No sir, I don't. I'm sorry, it won't happen again" he stated as he took his seat, not willing to let the professor continue the conversation. Remus tried to catch Sirius's eye, but Sirius was busy explaining to James his next idea for a prank. James of course was listening attentively.

"What did I just say, Black?" Professor Deakin had now turned his attention to the best looking boy in the class. Deakin had held a grudge against Sirius ever since he had set foot inside his classroom. There was no charming his way out of trouble with this teacher.

"No idea sir" Sirius admitted.

"Oh you do surprise me! Well, in that case, you will be joining Mr Lupin for detention later, Black." As he spoke, he wondered why Sirius was not making more fuss over the fact that he had just been rid of his free evening, but he did not press the matter.

"He hates me! He truly hates me!" Sirius groaned as the group lazily trudged out of the classroom.

"Aww Pads, don't worry, perhaps you'll sort out your differences later! Maybe a bit of quality time together's what's needed eh?" James smirked "Oh Lily!" he squealed excitedly "Lily, why did the chicken cross the road?" he ran down the corridor towards the object of his affection, Peter followed close behind.

Seeing that they were alone, Sirius decided that he could broach the subject of Joanna with Remus.

"So what happened, mate?" Sirius glanced at his friend's amber eyes, trying to tell what he was thinking.

"We broke up" he sighed "It was horrible. She cried. I cried. But it was never going to last forever."

"Are you ok?"

"I'll live" Remus smiled unconvincingly "I feel kind of underwhelmed actually. I'm just a bit indifferent."

"It probably hasn't really hit you yet" Sirius replied.

"I think it has. We just weren't that close by the end. And I think I like someone else." He blushed.

Sirius did not want to torture himself by finding out who this new person was. So he grinned broadly. "Atta boy! Wow Moony, you're a quick mover. I salute you." He slapped him on the back, beaming but inside, he was falling apart. They reached the portrait hole and, after a brief run in with the fat lady, they clambered through and sat on a sofa in the far corner of the room, near some first years who were displaying their hexing skills (or lack of) proudly to one another.

Remus pulled a piece of parchment and a large, leather-bound textbook from his bag and started scribbling. Sirius pulled out his History of Magic textbook, started to read the chapter on vampires in the Dark Ages and began to make notes.

"Sirius, are you doing your _homework?"_ Remus stared, awestruck.

"Erm... yeah, I thought I would" Sirius smiled that perfect smile and looked back to his book, secretly enjoying the look of sheer surprise on Remus's face.

Neither of the boys noticed James walking into the common room wearing a smile wider than his face. "She called me James!"

"That's great err... James" Sirius grinned.

"No but she usually calls me Potter!" James exclaimed "Oh I love her even more!" He sailed up the stairs dreamily, leaving the two boys behind. Sirius rolled his eyes and Remus chuckled.

"Come on, we'd better go to that detention" Remus sighed as he checked his watch. They stood up reluctantly and trudged along to the Defence against the Dark Arts classroom, whereupon they were told to sit down and write lines for an hour. The professor left and the two boys sat next to each other, pulled out their quills and began to write.

"So any luck with this new fancy man of yours?" Remus smiled.

"No" Sirius looked down. "He's far too good for me."

"Pads, this is you. You're amazing! And you could have anybody in school, you know that. I bet you could even turn most of the straight guys here" Remus's smile was starting to make Sirius fall deeper, just when he wanted to get out.

"I won't turn him. He's straight and loads of girls fancy him. There's no way he'd choose me!" Sirius sighed "no way"

When Professor Deakin returned an hour later, it was to find the two boys sitting at their desks, writing lines obediently, much to his surprise. "Right then, boys, you can go." He belted and in the space of a few seconds, they had both gathered their things and left.

"Thank God that's over!" Remus smiled, filling Sirius's insides with warmth. The two walked in a comfortable silence to the common room, where they climbed the stairs to their dormitory, finding James and Peter already present.

"How was detention?" James smirked.

"Nice" Remus smiled _that _smile again making Sirius shiver involuntarily.

"Yeah it was okay" Sirius agreed, collapsing on his bed with an 'ooph'. Within minutes, he was fast asleep, leaving him free to dream. This pleased Sirius. Dreams had no limitations. In his dreams _anything _could happen and the dorm was filled with contented little sighs all night long.


	7. Chapter 7

Hey everyone, sorry it's been a while, I've been working like crazy so I haven't had a chance to do anything, but it's only a week to the holidays so I should have plenty of time then :p This one's short so I'll post again in the next couple of days. Please review XD

The next day, Sirius was the first to wake up. This was very unusual; he needed what he arrogantly termed his 'beauty sleep' (at least nine hours) and without it, he became cranky; a trait which the others thought most hilarious. When he woke, the sun had already risen and the birds were singing, so he guessed it was about six. Today was the day of the full moon. Sirius hated this time of the month, simply because he detested seeing his friend suffer, which he invariably did. The last month had been one of Remus's worst transfigurations since Sirius had known him, and Sirius knew that if this one was to be as bad, he didn't think he could stand seeing Remus in as much pain again.

He climbed out of bed, clad merely in a pair of boxers and pattered into the shared bathroom with a yawn. From here, he could hear the three boys breathing: James who took short, sharp breaths, Peter whose snores could be heard from the common room and Remus's long, quiet breaths, as if his slumber was much deeper than that of the others. He smiled to himself at the thought of Remus lying peacefully in bed, but his smile vanished as he thought again of the looming night which made him shiver.

As the others began to stir, Sirius quickly washed and dressed, no longer feeling the exhibitionist he was about a month previously.

"Morning Pads" Remus's voice was sleepy and made Sirius tingle pleasantly. He grinned, eyes half closed with sleep. He looked adorable, a contrast to the beast he would become in a few hours.

"Morning, you. Wanna go to breakfast?" Sirius reflected his grin easily as Remus nodded. He was always hungry as the full moon approached. And Sirius was just always hungry.

They strolled down to breakfast, chatting amicably, not noticing the constant stares from longing females or the envious glares from their male peers.

The evening drew in quickly, perhaps due to the amount of apprehension based around it, perhaps to the simple lessons they had been given today; Transfiguration, Potions and Divination. For whatever reason, the evening was upon them in a flash and after dinner in the Great hall, Remus and Sirius slipped out and began the walk to the Shrieking Shack. Sirius tried to lighten the mood by assuming his canine form. He bounced around the grounds enthusiastically, making Remus chuckle; appreciating the gesture, feeling his mood slightly lightened despite himself.

When the two emerged from the tunnel leading from the whomping willow into the shack, Sirius turned himself effortlessly back to his human form and smiled reassuringly. All they could do now was sit and wait.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello everyone, happy Christmas! I've been writing loads the past few days and as they're both short, I'm posting chapter eight and chapter nine together, hope you enjoy and please, please review because I'd like to improve...**

Remus lifted his head with a groan then let it flop down again onto the pillow, attracting his best friend's attention. "You're awake!" Sirius exclaimed "How you feeling mate?"

"Erm a bit knackered really" Remus smiled. Sirius's stomach flipped. In a good way. At least he thought so. "But at least I'm here and not in the hospital wing" he grinned weakly.

"Yeah Madame Pomfery thought you were ok to stay in your own bed" Sirius said, sitting beside Remus's bed. In truth, he hadn't moved for three hours, but Remus didn't have to know that.

"If you hadn't been there, I'd be much worse" Remus laughed "What time is it?"

"Eleven"

"You should be in Transfiguration."

"I'll catch up. Macgonagall will understand." Sirius winked, inducing a gorgeous chuckle from Remus.

"You don't have to stay."

"I know. I want to."

Remus sighed contentedly and sat himself up, leaning on the wall by his bed. He was pale and drawn after his sleepless, erratic night but his eyes twinkled with a cheeky side only his close friends knew was there.

"I can't believe there's only a month left of school!" Remus sighed "At least we'll all be together over the summer. It would be almost unbearable otherwise." Sirius did not want to imagine not seeing Remus every day and was comforted by the thought that Remus felt similarly, though he knew that Remus meant only that he would miss his friends over the summer if they were apart.

"Yeah I know! Summer's gonna be so much fun. And I don't even have to set eyes upon my family the whole time!" Sirius agreed enthusiastically.

"Oh Pads, what do you want for your birthday? I'm gonna have to go shopping."

"Oh don't worry about me" Sirius grinned "I don't have to be at home. That's enough."

Remus frowned "Nuhu, you're not getting out that easily! If you're not going to cooperate, I'm just gonna have to find you an ace present by myself" Remus giggled. Sirius blushed, but managed to conceal it. Remus was oblivious.

As dusk fell and the common room gradually filled, Remus left Sirius alone in the dormitory to research Gwenevire the strange for his History of Magic homework in the library. He was not alone for long, however as James dawdled in ten minutes later.

"Hey Padfoot, Moony ok now?" he asked caringly.

"Yeah he wasn't too bad this time" Sirius grinned.

"And yet you still spent the whole day with him?" James smirked slyly.

"Well yeah... you know. Just in case" Sirius squirmed.

"You guys seem pretty close at the moment" James's smirk did not relent.

"Yeah I guess so. But you know... we're like best friends" Sirius looked down.

"You like him!" James's eyes gleamed.

"No I don't!" Sirius protested a little too strongly.

"Oh please! You're smitten."

Sirius sighed, defeated. "Yeah. It's driving me mad. I can't think of anything else!"

"Wow, who knew? Sirius Black. Gay as a maypole!"

"Shut up."

"Sorry, it's just a bit surprising..."

"Don't tell anyone. Please!" Sirius's eyes betrayed his desperation.

"Course I won't Pads, what do you take me for? Does he know?"

"What? That I'm gay? Or that I'm head over heels in love with him?" Sirius was close to tears and James could tell.

"Erm... the first one" James was trying hard to take everything in.

"Yeah."

"He might like you back." James reasoned.

Sirius snorted unbecomingly. "Of course he doesn't. He's straight. And he's far too good for me." He groaned.

"Pads, this is you. Nobody's too good for you." James grinned.

"He's straight!"

"I wouldn't be so sure..." James was still smirking.

"Huh?"

"He just doesn't strike me as the type" James mumbled "Now what are you going to do about all this?"

"Nothing. He's my best friend. Even if he _was _gay, which he's not, I could never ruin our friendship by making a move. He means too much to me." Sirius sighed.

"Well at least think about it" James noted as he sauntered out of the door, exasperated. Sirius and Remus were meant to be together. He just hoped it happened soon. Sirius was once more alone and very confused.


	9. Chapter 9

That evening, as they sat eating dinner in the Great Hall, James was droning on about Lily, and Remus, though he was tired, was worried about Sirius. He had been acting differently lately, quieter, more reserved, like there was a weight on his chest. There was something wrong. Remus could only assume that this person Sirius liked was the cause. But it was odd. Sirius never fell deeply for anybody. He spoke of sex as if it was emotionless. Of relationships as if they were meaningless. Of love as if it was fictional. And now, here he was, a lovesick puppy. It pained Remus to see it almost as much as it pained Sirius to experience it. He wished there was something he could do. He wished he could take the pain away, much like Sirius did with his own pain every month.

In truth, Remus was beginning to wonder where his own feelings lay. That day, in Professor Slughorn's room, Remus had blushed furiously, simply because in that Amortentia, he had smelled Sirius. He smelled of boyish cologne, hair products and cinnamon. The smell was incredible, but the experience on the whole had unnerved Remus greatly. Surely he couldn't feel _that _way about Sirius? He told himself it was simply because Sirius had come out of the closet and confided in Remus, because Sirius was his best friend, because he smelled so damn good. Remus was straight. He kept telling himself that, though he increasingly found his eyes drawn to Sirius, watching all of his little habits. Falling for him? He shook himself. This was Sirius. _Sirius_. His best friend, his confidant, his comforter. They were close. That was all. He was just being silly. This is what he chose to believe, for now.

"So are you guys ready for tomorrow?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, born ready!" James quipped "Except Batten's fit now which sucks cos she's a really decent keeper."

"She's got her flaws" Sirius put in "Go to her left, she's weaker on that side" he grinned.

"It should be a laugh, not like Slytherin last year" James shuddered at the recollection of the final of the previous year, occurring in the centre of a thunderstorm. Several players from each team came clean off their brooms, and Slytherin had annihilated Gryffindor. It was not a happy day.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey everyone, hope you had a great Christmas, I'm pretty much done now so I'm just gonna post it all on pretty quickly... I hope you like it! ******** Please review xxx**

The next day, Ravenclaw were beating Gryffindor 80-50, despite their best efforts. The day was clear, but there was a strong wind which casually threw balls and players off course constantly. Things weren't looking great, but in true Gryffindor spirit, they kept going. Eventually through skill and persistence, the Griffindor seeker, O'Donnell caught the snitch to rapturous applause. The celebrations continued right through the night, due in part to smuggled fire whiskey and sound-proof walls.

Around the point where the night merged seamlessly into the early hours, Sirus, Remus, a brainy girl named Scarlet and a previous conquest of Sirius; a beauty called Harriet in the year below were sitting in a circle laughing hysterically as music played loudly from the other side of the room.

"So you just ate it?" Harriet was giggling "All of it?"

"Well I was dared to" Sirius chortled "And I never back out on dares!"

"Well you're very brave" the second girl slurred almost incoherently.

"Erm... yeah... Scarlet is it?" Sirius exchanged glances with Remus. Harriet rolled her eyes in Remus's direction causing him to chuckle softly. Sirius glared at this stunning girl but she was oblivious.

"Remus, would you like some more whiskey?" Harriet focused her alluring eyes on Remus and he blushed uncertainly. She really was very beautiful. He really was very drunk. It was enough for him to become entwined in her spell.

"Hehe yeah, you betcha" Remus slurred, holding out his goblet with vigour.

"Hey mate, I think you've had enough" Sirius intercepted the bottle.

"No, Padfooooooot! I want it back!" People always thought Remus was the sensible one of the gang. Until this moment, they probably would have been right, but usually Remus hadn't consumed two bottles of this lethally strong alcoholic substance which generally gave him the emotional age of... well, James.

"You're very pretty" he grinned perfectly at Harriet who laughed loftily.

"Yes, so I've been told" she put her hand on Remus's chest, causing jealousy to rage inside Sirius like a violent storm. She was taking advantage of him in his fragile, drunken state and Sirius didn't like it.

"Hey Remus, do you wanna go to bed now? Sleep it off?" Sirius interjected desperately.

"Nah I'm good here" Remus grinned as he sidled up to the girl on his left. Sirius felt as though he had been slapped. He tried to be happy when he saw Lily and James cuddling on a nearby sofa, but all he felt was loneliness. Ten minutes later, he flopped into bed and allowed the tears finally to fall as he thought of Remus with _that _girl. He knew he was being pathetic. He knew Remus was not _his_. He knew that Remus was straight. But none of that took the pain away. It still hurt like hell. That night, Sirius cried himself to sleep in an empty dorm. Neither of the other two boys returned until after breakfast, which Sirius had skipped to wallow alone in self pity.

James was the first to walk through the door sporting a particularly annoying grin.

"Morning Padfoot, old pal. And oh what a morning it is! Blue skies, no lessons and my future wife ensnared!"

"Morning." Sirius's tone was less than enthusiastic.

"Where's moony?" James enquired.

"Beats me."

"Did he not come back? Whoa, dark horse! With Harriet Baker? _Harriet_? She's like the hottest girl in school! Man, everybody hooked up last night: me and Lily, Remus and Harriet, peter and that Janine girl, you and... oh." James faltered.

"Do you think they... you know" Sirius's eyes pleaded for an answer.

"Yes, probably, he was pretty drunk. I'm sorry, I'm so tactless, I didn't realise."

"Hey, but we still won the quidditch" Sirius tried to act cheerful.

"Yeah" James nodded enthusiastically "And only two days left of school."

"Mmhmm"

Sirius was about to say something when the sandy-haired boy poked his head around the door warily.

"I'm never gonna drink again!" he sighed as he flopped onto his bed which groaned unsympathetically.

"Sure you will" James grinned. Sirius did not lift his head.

"Good night?" Sirius asked quietly.

"Yeah it was ok thanks" Remus blushed self-consciously "You?"

"Erm yeah it was alright. Obviously not as good as yours!" Sirius couldn't help but grin as he thought of the role reversal that seemed to be occurring between them. Remus's blush deepened.

"I'm impressed mate! Harriet Baker! She's HOT!"

Remus chuckled softly "I never kiss and tell. But she's quite pretty I suppose." Okay, maybe they hadn't changed roles. "Anyway, are you guys all packed? We're leaving in the morning, you know." He blurted quickly, seeing that for some reason, Sirius disapproved of the whole event from the glare that got shot his way. The day passed in a blur


	11. Chapter 11

**Ok, so a review today made me realise that I'm really bad at starting stories but not finishing them, so I've decided over the next few weeks to fisnish all of my current stories, starting with this one. sorry it's been so long, please review!** xxx

The next morning, the three boys woke with a sense of loss. In a matter of hours, they would leave Hogwarts for the summer; they would leave their home behind. They knew, however that the summer would be awesome. Not one of them could guess just how awesome it would turn out to be.

"Hey Pads, have you got those trainers you borrowed last week?" James asked as he haphazardly tossed his belongings into his trunk. Sirius grunted and threw the trainers precariously close to James' head, prompting a very high pitched squeal from James which made the boys laugh. A lot.

"Are you guys going to breakfast?" Sirius asked as he located an old potions textbook from under his bed and threw it in his trunk with a clang.

"Nah, I'm okay. I think I'll just get something on the train" Remus smiled from beneath the book he was reading whilst lying on his bed; his belongings already all packed the night before.

"Yeah me too I think. Besides, I only have an hour to pack all this crap _and _find that McAvoy kid to get my styling stuff back. He _borrowed _it a week ago! I don't even know why he bothers, no amount of expensive styling products could make his hair look like mine. I'm pretty sure he's in love with me. He follows me round everywhere like a bad smell. Weirdo."

"Pads, you think everyone's in love with you" James sniggered, peering at his own messy hair in the mirror affixed to the wardrobe door.

"Most of them _are_ in love with him" Remus grinned which made Sirius feel like he might faint.

"I'm really gonna miss Lily over the summer" James sighed "but it's gonna be fun anyway. What day are you coming down Moony?"

"Wednesday, hopefully" said Remus who was spending a few days at home with his parents at their home in the countryside near Manchester before they set off to Romania and before their son caught the train to the Cotswolds where James and Sirius would be waiting. Peter had begged his mother to let him stay with the rest of the boys but to no avail. She had simply stated that they hardly ever saw him as it was, without him setting off to stay with school friends for the entire summer. So it would be the three boys staying at James' for eight whole weeks before they started their final year at Hogwarts.

"Anyone want a chocolate frog?" Peter offered; not contented with the decision to skip breakfast and not fully believing that he could last until ten o' clock without having eaten _anything_. The boys muttered their gratitude as the box was passed around the circle in which their beds lay, discarding it on the maroon carpet when it was emptied.

An hour and a half later, on the train, the boys were deep in conversation. They had picked a carriage towards the rear of the train which tended to be quieter. The lady who went from carriage to carriage selling a variety of delicious treats had been and gone so the space was filled with the aroma of cakes and pastries. Sirius was just tucking in greedily to a pumpkin pasty when the door slid open abruptly and Harriet Baker strolled in. Even Sirius was entranced by this girl. She just had a certain presence which rendered everyone incapable of normal human interaction. Everybody just sat there and gawped, throwing all composure out of the window.

"Remus, can I have a word outside, please?" she asked from the doorway. He nodded calmly and followed her out into the corridor leaving Sirius, James and Peter gawping in the carriage.

Sirius craned his neck to see through the glass pane in the door much to James' amusement.

"Lip-reading, mate?" James smirked.

"Huh?" Sirius shook his head back into real life, as if trying to shake himself out of the trance in which he was intertwined.

"He won't fall for it, you know. He won't fall for _her_" James said in a half whisper.

"He seemed to fall for it the other night. And anyway, why not? She's stunning! He's only human, after all." Sirius sighed.

"He was totally bladdered! I'm pretty sure his blood was about eighty percent firewhiskey that night. She hasn't got any substance. Moony isn't like the rest of us. He doesn't just go for looks, he likes girls with something up top." James smiled, knowing that he was speaking the total truth.

"Well I'm definitely doomed then!" Sirius snorted though James knew that laughing was the last thing that he felt like doing. Sirius glanced through the glass again but Remus and Harriet were nowhere to be seen. "Hmpfh, he's probably shagging her in the toilets" Sirius grimaced.

"Dude, that's so not Moony's style! If anything, they'll be doing it in a spare carriage" James grinned.

"Yeah thanks, Prongs, that's really helpful" Sirius couldn't help but smile, though he did wonder where his best friend had got to. He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

An hour later, the train was beginning to slow and the terrain beginning to level out. There was still no sign of Remus anywhere and Sirius was beginning to worry.

"He'll be fine, you know. He's a big boy." James said with his annoying tendency of knowing exactly what Sirius was thinking.

"Yeah I know, I just wanted to be able to say goodbye to him" Sirius sighed.

"Pads, you will see him in four days, it's hardly long!" James grinned, absent-mindedly flicking his hair out of his eyes as he spoke .

"Yeah I suppose" Sirius mumbled as the train came to a complete stop in Kings Cross station where James' parents were both stood on the platform waving madly. Sirius knew that he was totally welcome with the Potters and a pang of jealousy shot through him as he wished that _he_ had a family who loved and supported him as James' did.


	12. Chapter 12

James! Sirius!" Mrs Potter greeted them warmly with a hug each. Mr Potter, the spitting image of James, patted them both affectionately on the back and helped them with their luggage. After a brief chat with Peter's parents on the platform, the four of them were driving in James' Dad's company car towards their home. The journey only took an hour and soon they were rolling into the drive of the large, red bricked house in the small wizarding village of Sageham. Sirius loved this place. The house looked like a doll's house, Sirius thought, not a child's doll's house, but one of those really classic Georgian style ones with huge white windows and a pillar-box red front door with a brass knocker. As they stepped through the porch into the hall, they were greeted by Albert, James' huge dog who looked terrifying but really wouldn't hurt a fly. Recognising Sirius, he jumped up and licked him straight away. Sirius laughed and followed James into the lounge which was now home to a new sofa, but the rest was the same as his last visit, exactly a year ago. One of the windows let barely any light in due to the smothering of honeysuckle which covered it and made the room smell heavenly. Pictures hung above the fireplace: one of James and his parents, one of Hogwarts and one of James, Sirius and Remus, taken last summer underneath the willow tree in one of the fields leading on from the long, flowery garden. Sirius grinned; it was good to be back.

That evening, Sirius and James were sitting in James' room chatting about Quidditch and which team would win the league that year when an owl tapped lightly at the window. Sirius stood up quickly and let the small, sandy bird in curiously. He untied the piece of parchment attached to the owl's leg, unfurled it and read aloud:

_Dear James and Sirius,_

_Just a quick note to say that I'm really sorry for abandoning you on the train earlier; Harriet and I just needed to sort some stuff out between us. I really wish I could have said goodbye. Also, I was wondering whether it would be okay with James' folks if I could come on Monday not Wednesday because my Mum and Dad want to stop off in Diagon Alley for a couple of nights before they leave for Romania (don't ask why!) So if that's fine with James, I should be arriving into the station around lunch time the day after tomorrow. Please let me know, and sorry again,_

_Love Remus x_

Sirius cursed the ambiguity of the letter but was cheered by the prospect of Remus' early arrival. James found a bit of parchment and scribbled:

_Dear Moony, _

_Don't be stupid, of course it's okay for you to come early, you're always welcome here. Don't worry about sodding off earlier – it's Harriet Baker, nobody can blame you. Hope you had fun and we'll come to the station to meet you on Monday at around one. _

_See you then!_

_Padfoot and Prongs x_

"I thought you said he wouldn't go for Harriet!" Sirius exclaimed as he scanned through the note which he then tied carefully onto the bird's outstretched leg.

"He won't! I was just winding him up, you know how he loves it" James smirked. Sirius rolled his eyes and opened the window.

"Take this to Remus" he told the bird, gave it a digestive biscuit and sent it on its way. "Right I'm going to bed" he sighed and walked down the landing into the room which he and Remus always stayed in when they slept here. He opened the door into the familiar room and crossed the wooden floor to open the window due to the humidity of the night. He sighed as he glanced at the waxing moon, suspended in the sky as if it were on strings. This moon cast a shadow over Remus's life and caused him so much pain, yet at this moment, it looked so beautiful in the cloudless sky. Sirius wondered how many people in the world were looking at the same moon. He wondered whether Remus was one of them.

The next morning, Sirius was woken by the sound of rain pattering on the window pane. He loved rainy days. They always reminded him of his first ever quidditch match when they had beaten Slytherin 210-60 in the middle of a thunder storm. This incidentally was also the day when he first got incredibly drunk, and the day when he lost his virginity. It was a day for lots of firsts.

James walked into Sirius's room and told him that breakfast was ready. It smelled delicious, Mrs Potter was _the _best cook Sirius had ever met, and James was lucky enough to have her as a mother. He wondered what his own family was doing. He knew that the atmosphere would be nowhere near as warm as at the Potters'. He knew deep down that none of them could possibly be happy living that sort of life. He had found happiness. Happiness was not the dark side. Happiness was Hogwarts, friendship, and most of all, Remus.

James followed Sirius down the spiralling staircase and they walked into the kitchen where bacon, sausages, eggs and tomatoes lay tantalisingly on the large oak table. Mr and Mrs Potter were already sat; Mr potter reading the paper and his wife pouring herself a glass of pumpkin juice from a jug. They greeted the boys amicably and everybody started helping themselves to the delightful breakfast.

"Well boys, I was going to suggest that we went out for the day, but the weather's so awful, I think you'd better occupy yourselves round the house for the day, if that's okay?" Mrs Potter said from her seat at the head of the table. She was an attractive mid-forties brunette with bright blue eyes. She had her hair tied back with a red ribbon and wore barely any makeup. Mr Potter suited her perfectly. He was tall, slightly portly and smoked cigars. Though very similar in appearance to James, his mannerisms and presentation were much more gentlemanly and his hair was a couple of shades lighter. They were the perfect couple.

"Yeah that's fine, we'll find something to do" James smiled as he shovelled bacon into his mouth.

"So do you think they're together, like officially now?" Sirius tried to act casual as they played wizards' chess in the lounge that morning but James was not fooled.

"They might be" James shrugged "She is really hot!"

"What about all that crap you were spouting about substance and depth and all that?" Sirius's eyes pleaded for a glimmer of hope.

"Well you never know do you? I still don't think he's totally straight, I swear I saw him check out your arse the other day, but it could have been more envious. Hard to tell"

"James, why must you say anything if everything that comes out of your mouth is just bollocks?" Sirius grinned as his Queen put James' King in a tricky situation.

"I still can't believe you like Remus, I mean surely if you had to like a guy it would be me, wouldn't it?" James' eyes twinkled mischievously.

"Haha sorry Prongs you're not my type!" Sirius grinned.

"So you'd rather go for the skinny, brainy type than Prince Charming? You're mad!" James looked genuinely perplexed "at least Lily's attractive."

"Remus is amazing!" Sirius started "He has really nice sandy hair and those really cute eyes and his mouth..."

"Woah, this is my friend you're talking about" James joked.

"Sorry" Sirius smiled "So how's it going with you and Lily?"

"Pretty well actually, I'm kind of leaving the ball in her court but she kissed me goodbye when we left yesterday and she asked me to keep in touch, so I think it's looking promising" James couldn't help but smile, and Sirius knew that he was genuinely happy.

"Sounds awesome" Sirius sighed. James decided to drop the subject and distract Sirius by winning the game of chess and suggesting that they find something for lunch. Eventually, the boys decided on soup because there was some already made and both of them knew how to use the stove.

"So, what shall we do next?" Sirius asked when they had finished.

"Erm, is it still raining?"

"Yup. We could... err..."

"Umm yeah, err... erm."

"Have you noticed that when Moony's not around, it doesn't really work?" Sirius smiled.

"Yeah, I know, he'd think of something in no time. This is pathetic, it's been a day!" James exclaimed.

"I know! I bet he's fine without us..."

Remus was not fine. He was incredibly bored and slightly lonely. It had been fine at first. He and his parents had exchanged pleasantries over a roast dinner. They had spoken in depth about Hogwarts: about the lessons he was taking, about his teachers and about his friends. He had managed to speak for a long time about his friends, especially Sirius of whom he had spoken freely for by far the longest before he had stopped himself (although he had by no means finished). He told himself that it meant nothing and that it was merely because he was closest to Sirius but it was becoming harder to convince himself of this.

After the meal at the Lupins', they had more or less run out of conversation. Though Remus loved his parents deeply, he found it hard to simply pick up where they left off. They would not see each other for months on end; it was hardly surprising to find that they now had barely anything in common. So Remus was in his room. Alone. Willing the next day to arrive so he could see his friends. As he reached over to his clock to check the time, he was delighted to spot James' large tawny owl, Patrick flying towards his window at full speed. He crossed the room quickly to open the window and the bird swooped in elegantly and sat on Remus's bed. He was carrying a roll of parchment which he held out to Remus expectantly. It said:

_Dear Remus,_

_We know it's pathetic, but we're really bored! There's nothing to do around here and we thought you might have an idea. Sorry to bother you when you're with your parents, you're probably having a whale of a time without us. We can't wait to see you tomorrow!_

_Love Sirius and James x_

Remus smiled sheepishly. They were missing him. He had secretly wanted them not to get along too well without him. This time tomorrow, he would be with them again, with him. He mentally kicked himself for that thought. For God's sake, he could last for a couple of days without him. He was a friend. He was just a friend. A kind, lovely friend. A kind, lovely friend with amazing hair and a _really _good body. Remus sighed. He was falling for his best friend and he feared that things were going to change between them. Their friendship was often the one reason for him to keep going. He wouldn't, couldn't let it change. He would just have to carry on pretending everything was fine. Everything had to be fine. He sighed and scrawled his reply:

_Dear James and Sirius,_

_I'm really bored too! My parents have been lovely, but we kind of ran out of things to talk about around an hour ago and now I'm just sitting in my room thinking about... stuff. I'm getting in around twelve tomorrow so I'll get to James's at around one, you really don't have to come to the station, I'll be fine. As for the boredom, I'm making the most of a free Saturday by lounging around and doing absolutely nothing, I suggest you do the same. _

_See you tomorrow! _

_Love Remus x_

He rolled the parchment up and tied it with a red ribbon to James's owl's grey leg, opened the window and sent the owl on its way. He watched it fly further and further towards the horizon, further and further towards Sirius and felt his insides well with anticipation, with longing. He sighed and lay on his bed, opened up his book and curled up, resting his head on his pillow. He tried to read, but his eyes kept glazing over the same line again and again. He placed the book down and drifted off into a restless, agitated sleep.


End file.
